A huge issue in management is falling into the trap of black and white thinking.
What is it?
It’s called splitting in psychology – when we fail to see the shades of grey in issues (and in ourselves), and instead view people and situations as all or nothing.
When we’re in that mode, we tend to categorise people or behaviours as either good or bad, right or wrong, lazy or hard-working. It’s cognitively easy – everything fits neatly into a box. And we avoid the psychological labour of real leadership: navigating nuance, staying grounded and curious, and resisting snap judgements.
It also feels powerful. There’s a certain righteous energy that comes from casting the proverbial first stone. We get drunk on an intoxicating mix of over-confidence and attribution bias.
Some people might even admire our convictions. Or describe us as “strong” leaders.
But the problem is that we don’t allow for the fact that good people can do bad things. And therefore – if someone does something bad – decide they must be a bad person.
Rather than seeing someone’s behaviour as the mistake, we start to see that someone as the mistake.
Whereas, of course, human behaviour – and the world at large – is much more complex. It’s not black and white, but instead coloured by infinite shades of grey.
For most of us, we usually only need to look as far as the figurative mirror to prove this point.
All of us make mistakes – to exist is to err. We have each made bad mistakes. We have each made choices that were clumsy, careless, short-sighted and selfish. And which caused bad outcomes for others. Yet, we know we’re not bad people.
Does that make bad behaviour ok? No, of course not. But recognising this provides an explanation for bad behaviour that’s a little more sophisticated (and infinitely more accurate) than an unhelpfully simplistic “they’re just a bad person”.
Instead, we’re all just a bit hopeless sometimes. We get overwhelmed by the pressures of the situation, our histories, our fears and insecurities, and our entirely human limitations to stay composed and perfectly grasp everything that’s going on around us all of the time. We fire up. Or shut down. And we make mistakes. Most of the time it doesn’t matter much. Some of the time it really does.
Instead, we must still hold people to account – clearly, directly and unapologetically. But we can do it without turning them into villains.
We can understand the reasons behind someone’s poor behaviour, while neither excusing it or writing them off as human beings.
We can care about someone and still expect better from them. We can reject harmful behaviour without needing to dehumanise the person behind it.
Compassion and accountability are not mutually exclusive. They’re two sides of the same leadership coin. The most effective leaders practice both.
Because if we want high performance and a strong culture, we mustn’t delude ourselves.
We can’t let avoidance masquerade as kindness.
And we can’t let righteous judgement masquerade as strength.
Real leadership sits in the grey. And requires showing up just when it’s hardest to.
