Why gossip at work destroys trust (and what to do instead)

Here’s the one trick to look like a weak leader and undermine trust at the same time.

Be a gossip.

Because when we gossip about our colleagues or – worse – the people in our team, we:

1. We tell everyone that we don’t have the courage or kindness to have a direct conversation with the person we’re talking about
2. Undermine trust – because the person we’re talking to will naturally wonder if we talk about them behind their back
3. Role model that it’s ok for others to do it, which creates even more gossip

And I’m not pretending that gossip doesn’t have some short-term appeal. It does, but it appeals to the smallest parts of our brains the same way that candy appeals to our appetite: it tastes great in the moment, but it’s not good for us.

And gossip does in theory deliver some benefits, including:

• Warning others of unsafe people
• Testing our thoughts about someone else
• Rehearsing our position
• Seeking validation
• Venting to release tension

But the problem is it comes at great cost to workplace culture – and each of these benefits can be achieved through other, more constructive means.

For example, we can;

• Report inappropriate and unsafe behaviour through the appropriate channels (our boss, boss’s boss, HR or government watchdogs)
• Confidentially work with our boss, a coach, a therapist or a single (i.e. single, not the whole office) trusted confidant to test and clarify our thoughts, and prepare for a direct conversation.

Therefore, next time you find yourself engaging in gossip, catch yourself and reflect on why you’re doing it. What is the underlying need you’re looking to have met? And how could you have address it in a more constructive manner?

Or maybe it’s just a bad habit. In which case, stop as soon as you catch yourself.

Likewise, when someone else gossips to you, politely stop them and simply say something like “I’m sorry, but I’m not comfortable having negative conversations about other people”. It will feel awkward at first, but soon enough, people will stop coming to you with gossip.

A simple test that I find useful is: would I be comfortable with whatever I’m saying being overheard by the person I’m talking about? If the answer is no, I catch myself and either shut up or reframe it in a balanced and fair manner.

Want simple ways to build a more constructive team culture?

It’s easy to spot what undermines culture – like gossip. What’s harder is knowing what to do instead, day to day. The Daily Acts of Leadership cards give you practical, bite-sized actions you can take in under 15 minutes – from addressing small tensions early to strengthening trust and connection across your team. Each prompt helps you replace unhelpful habits with simple, constructive behaviours you can actually follow through on. Over time, those small actions compound into a team culture that feels more open, honest and grounded.