Last week, I had the good fortune of driving around northern Italy.
And the misfortune of stalling the car in front of a queue of irate Italian drivers 😆.
I was driving out of Como when I stalled the car at the lights.
Multiple cars instantly started blaring their horns at me.
I fumbled to restart the car – which meant turning the ignition on and off, and pressing both the brake and clutch at once.
It was a mess. Cars kept honking. And I soon stalled the car again 🤦♂️.
Once I (finally) drove off and clear of the traffic, I started thinking about how pointless all the honking was.
Because:
- Nobody stalls a car deliberately, much less when you’re fronting a long queue of traffic at the lights
- It only adds pressure, which makes it more likely you’ll screw it up again
This is obvious in hindsight, but it’s a trap many of us fall into as managers. Especially when we haven’t developed the emotional intelligence or tools to do it differently.
When someone in our team makes a mistake, it’s tempting to blow the metaphorical horn at them – particularly if we’re frustrated at a repeating pattern.
I know I’ve done it before. Especially when I was younger.
But of course – just like the multi-stalling Australian tourist at the lights – blasting someone only makes things worse.
Because drilling someone:
- Increases the chance they’ll repeat (or exaggerate) the mistake
- Signals a lack of emotional regulation on our part
Blowing the horn is a reaction.
But leadership demands a response – one that’s focused on helping the person recover.
Instead of honking, we might curiously ask what happened, offer support and help them move forward – so they stall less often next time.
And accountability will sometimes be necessary. But even then, it needs to be delivered calmly and constructively – in a way the person can hear, process and act on.
That’s how mistakes turn into growth.