Empathy starts where superiority ends: Why good leaders humanise before they categorise

We blame men for being men, workers for being workers and managers for being managers.

But maybe there’s another explanation…

When management doesn’t like what workers do, we often roll our eyes and think “typical workers”.

And when workers don’t like what management does, they often roll their eyes and think “typical management”.

And parallel examples appear everywhere – between genders, nationalities, political groups and so on.

There’s no doubt that some behavioural patterns can be explained – at least in part – by organisational role (and gender, nationality, political affiliation and so on).

But a lot of behaviour is explained by something more universal: our humanness.

Because to be human is to fuck up. And to fuck up is to be human.

And when we make mistakes, it can have real consequences for others. And that matters.

But most of the time when we make a mistake, we don’t do it because we want to – or because we don’t care. We do it, because we’re a bit hopeless sometimes – we get overwhelmed, out of our depth, and we miss things and misstep. And sometimes we’re just tired and stressed, and don’t know what else to do.

And it’s not because we’re managers. Or workers. Or men, women, non-binary, left or right.

It’s because we’re all human.

But when we’re wronged by others, we tend to ignore this and fixate instead on whatever characteristic they possess that we don’t.

This creates distance between “us and them”, which can help us feel superior and avoid worrying we might do the same thing. But at the same time, it dehumanises people and drains our empathy.

And a lack of empathy comes from a lack of understanding. And a lack of understanding undermines our ability to meet people where they are and effectively influence their behaviour.

So, to be effective leaders, we must humanise before we categorise.

By developing an accurate understanding of what drives people’s behaviour, we can work with them and effectively address problems as they arise.

And we can do this without ever seeing ourselves as superior. Because, while we might have different roles within the organisation that sometimes require us to make difficult decisions that disproportionately affect workers – we’re all human. And that’s what matters most.